Who in their right mind could tell their child that they don’t regret beating them to the point of causing police interference and blacks and blues and inability to walk? All my life I’ve been victimized by my father whom would shower me with gifts after beating me. I feel like I have a type of aversion to receiving anything from him bc of it. I was never one to ask for toys or clothes as a little girl bc i got used to getting beat for asking and after i got beat I would get what I wanted as a sorry present i guess. So naturally  I learned to never ask or care if I got anything, I guess thats a good thing?

But now for him to tell me (after therapy sessions and session with psychiatrists) that if he could do it again he would and that he doesn’t regret it? How can I not get a little upset at least. It boggles me how he expects me to have a good relationship with him and be his friend. He tells me that thanks to him I didn’t turn out to be a prostitute or drug addict. I don’t know if he really hears himself when he talks cuz its absurd.  I’m moving out of this house as soon as I can cuz its torture. 

that moment before bed when you’ve cried so much that you literally feel exhausted. 

I was right. I already knew in my head that the day before my sisters arrival and the day before I went off to vacation was going to be the worst day. I pulled more than I’ve pulled in MONTHS and also my dad and I got into an argument again. Whenever I tell him I’m busy with school work and that I’ll talk to him later, responds with something along the lines of “oh becoming a lawyer must be so hard” or I thought you were done with school. Why do you question me. I’m telling you I can’t talk right now. Then he goes on to say that God gave me trich to punish me for being a bad daughter. Oh what an ignorant bastard. The psychiatrist that saw me at the emergency psych unit that time told me that my dad was an asshole  and that was without me saying one bad thing about him. She just saw it. Its so sad but he really is. He’s bullied me all my life but also “shown me love” No wonder I’m so fucked up. Ugh. I don’t know what to do. In times like these, I just wanna kill myself. If Robin Williams succumbed to the monster that is depression, I think I’m not better. I don’t know how much more I can take. I don’t know how much more battles with him and trich and depression I can take. Surely if I do end up doing it, he would never see how he had anything to do with it either. He would simply manage to convince himself that I had demons in me. I have no respect for him. I wish I could get into a physical altercation with him so he could go to jail again. I hope he gets deported. 

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.

― Thomas Campbell

Rest In Peace Robin Williams.

comedycentral:

Robin Williams was a true force of nature whose remarkable body of work touched untold millions. He was sincere and generous and one of the most brilliant comedic minds ever to grace the planet. Very few achieve his exalted status. Our hearts go out to his family and friends, and to the entire comedy community for losing one of our own.

Depression is real. It took on of the greatest souls this planet has seen